i already hear my dad disowning me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
