I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
