I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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