have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
where are you?
Hypothermia
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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