im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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