why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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