my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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