Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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