God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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