If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
