I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
