Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
