Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
