Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
