I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
