Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
