don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
