If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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