Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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