Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
