Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
