tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize