I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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