I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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