Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
