covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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