Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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