just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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