From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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