wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize