Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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