my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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