at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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