we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize