So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
