i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
