My nipple is on Facebook.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
