I wanna passion pit in your ass
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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