i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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