I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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