The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
