everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
