Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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