I think i peed on brittanys purse
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm like, not good at living.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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