she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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