i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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