i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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