People with herpes should wear stickers.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
