We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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