so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
