Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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