I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
