Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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