I want to stick my p in your. b.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
