does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't deserve a penis
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
