his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
