Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Someone came in the potted fern
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
