She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize