I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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