Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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