normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
