i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
