dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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