So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
