just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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