I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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