Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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