I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just pee around me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
