why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
