Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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