He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
