I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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