I must be too annoying 4 u.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
