Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Randomize