The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
