so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
