Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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