Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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