She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
