Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
