2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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