So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
