Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
