It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
