I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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