Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
