I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize