So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
