Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
