My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Randomize
