I CAN MOONWALK!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize