I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
