your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
