Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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