You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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