Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
