I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize