just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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