Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
