wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
