Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
