I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
