I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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