well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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