Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
