Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
