I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
