this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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