Betty ford says i'm here all night
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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