My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
