Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
