best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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