Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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