So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
